Things My Family Might Say

“Careful!” – When a member of my family (my family being my mom and dad and older sister) tells another member family to be careful, it has to be in a lovingly sarcastic way. My grandpa on my dad’s side never really had a taste for risk, living his entire life in the same tiny town, worrying about everything. A fond and funny memory that my family will forever have of my grandpa was his constant fretting. “Careful! Chew you food up!” or, “careful! Do you have good treads on your shoes?” or, “They say that there’s chemicals in the lake. You need to be careful and not swim in there!” We always share a laugh when we bark “careful!” at each other, mimicking his serious, urgent tone. The word usually sends us into a warm walk of memories about my grandpa, and I know the joke won’t ever become unfunny.

“Walter’s here!” – If you’ve ever seen the movie Grumpy Old Men or Denis the Menace, then you are familiar with Walter Matthau. All of the characters he plays are crotchety old men who bark and complain about everything. Walter has become my dad’s nickname. It probably started in a parking lot somewhere. My dad has a thing about parking lots. He insists that some people lose all common sense when they’re in a parking lot, therefore giving him a lot of reasons to gripe about them. So now, anytime my dad starts to complain about something, from oblivious people in parking lots to electronics, we always announce his mood by one of our favorite phrases, “Walter’s here!” My dad always smiles and checks himself, lightening the mood for everyone. My dad has proclaimed Grumpy Old Men his favorite movie.

“Just a small portion please.” – Again another pearl from my dad’s dad. It never failed that after his dinner of meat and potatoes (pronounced badadas) when my grandma asked him if he wanted dessert, he always told her that he would have a small portion. My grandma was never quite able to figure out what that meant because she either ended up giving him too much or too little for his liking. Finally one evening she was a little fed up and after his steadfast request for a small portion of pie, she cut him the tiniest sliver possible and when he began to complain, she shot his small portion remark right back in his face. Although he never stopped requesting a small portion of dessert, he never again complained about how much he was given.

“Wifely duty” – The story with this one goes that my dad is a big joker and wasn’t being terribly smart when my older sister was learning to talk so many years ago. He was being so not-so-smart in fact, that to this day, my mother will not let him live it down. After my parents had been married a while, my dad started to tell my mom (very jokingly of course) that the things he wanted her to do (i.e. cooking, cleaning, watching the movies he wanted to watch) were all part of her wifely duty. Much to my mom’s dismay, he did not catch her hints that the joke wasn’t really funny and it continued several years up until the point that my sister could talk in complete sentences. Having spent some very formative years listening to my dad tell my mom about her wifely duties, my sister thought that it was ok for her to say as well. So one day, my sister boldly told my mom that letting her watch a movie was part of her wifely duty. The daggers my mom sent my dad finally sent the message across. He still gets a sheepish look on his face whenever anyone brings up that little incident, and my mom laughs and laughs remembering how my dad bit himself in the butt with his own joke.